As we are on our healing journeys, let us not forget that balance in life is important. It is so easy to go from one extreme to the other when we are trying to get away from abuse, betrayal, and our own toxic responses to it. The tendancy to close myself off from everything was huge when I first started realizing the situation I was in in my marriage. I was fast on my way from people pleaser to a raging, angry, bitter person who just wanted vengance. Because I hated the swing from one extreme to the other that I had seen both in my dad and in my husband, I was thankfully more aware of it and able to allow God to help me find the balance. I have continued to learn in the following years more and more what balance looks like, and how it helps not only heal, but prevent more harm in the future.
I hear so often about women who have had some of the scripture and truths we discussed on Mornings With Jesus recently, in Romans 15:1-6 about being selfless, having grace, and supporting others when they are weak, used to keep them in their abusive situations. To guilt them into believing that having boundaries, standing up for their own safety, is "not being a good Christian" or "not a good wife/partner/friend..."
Understanding what scripture is actually saying is so important. It's the difference between "nice" and "kind", between "peacekeeping" and "peacemaking." Kind is what we find in the balance between Hateful and "too nice", Peacemaking is the balance in between being careless of others and people pleasing.
When we are healing it is important to read scripture as it is, and in context, so we can see what God actually says. Don't let the trauma, abuse, and lies be your filter for truth. Instead, filter your responses and beliefs through the Love of Christ and the truth of scripture. This way we can start speaking truth to ourselves and embracing our identity in Christ which will bring about the full healing we desire. When we understand who God is, really know his heart, it will show us healthy ways of relating to others. Ways that are loving, balanced, and helpful, as well as boundaried and truthful. What are some of the areas you struggle in when it comes to balance? What questions do you have about healthy boundaries?