Hi, my name is Janice. I’m going to be telling you my messy story, a very personal story that necessarily involves many people in my life. To protect those relationships, I am going to be changing or not using names. I love all of these people I will be referencing, and want to respect their privacy and feelings. While it will be a bit biased as it is told from my perspective, it is being told in hopes of helping you.
It might be best to start with a summary of the types of things we’ve gone through.
First, we got married in a rush, I was pregnant. That’s not why we got married, but it’s why it was rushed. Only a short while in (withing the first year) I discovered my husband was looking at porn and chatting in chat rooms with women. (We were married in 2000, so pre-social media boom). Though I confronted him, it didn’t get better, he just got better at hiding it, unbeknownst to me. He had always been a flirt and I accepted it as ‘harmless flirting' as he called it. However, it was a deep-rooted problem that showed itself later to be an addiction.
The introduction of social media to our lives was the gate to our downfall. Eventually his addiction led to an arrest – he chatted up, sent pictures to, and received pictures from, the wrong person. They both had lied about their age and she turned out to be underage. 5 long years of jail time later, he comes home and our even rougher journey began. The journey of seeking true repentance, dealing with community and government assumptions based on his conviction, depression for both of us, major relapses of acting out of his addiction, his infidelity, anger on both sides, forgiveness, doubt, attempts at healing and repairing, and now another arrest and the unfortunate dissolution of our marriage – the whole tangled mess – this is my story.
Why I’m writing this…
I would like to say I’ve come through this with flying colors, and it’s all better now. However, that would be a lie and That would not be of service to either me or you. My family is coming out the other side, however, and can see a glimpse of the picture God is creating. That picture, it’s beautiful.
I intend to be just as brutally honest as possible with my messy story. I want for you to know that I truly know what it’s like to deal with these issues first hand. Now, I won’t try to convince you that having hope means it’s easy. Nor that you can always see the hope. Know that I won’t gloss over the very messy painful parts. I won’t pretend any of this was easy or painless. I certainly will not try to say I in any way did this on my own.
What I want you to know is that you are not alone, there is hope in any tangled mess. I know your journey is different than mine, and God’s picture for you will look different. Still, know you have someone here to help. Together we will see the possibilities, weep when it hurts and rejoice in every victory.
Categories: BETRAYAL TRAUMA