Bittersweet

A real time account of Divorce day 2/14/22

4:15 am – Divorce finalizing today. I'm still not sure how I am going to feel, but my prayers this morning included praise.

Find healing - release, reset, rest


7:00 am Finished Mornings with Jesus time with my Faith Mamas Tribe. Was reminded of God’s perfect plans, that he is a God of details and uses everything for Good.

7:30 am Sent out prayer requests for today. As one faithful prayer warrior mentioned- lots to process today. Was also reminded to feel all the feelings, no matter which way they swing. No more stuffing or sweeping under rugs! Getting it all out and resetting! (Struggling a bit to actually get back out of bed and get ready to go. I Keep getting stuck at what I should wear – not that it really matters. He won’t even be there. Don’t know who I’m trying to convince of what. I do want to feel confident though.)

Songs that played

I put my Freedom Cry playlist on as I left the house on the way to the divorce hearing. Here are the songs that stuck out to me as they played.

  • Say I won’t

  • Breakthrough

  • Overcomer

  • Standing in the storm

“Say I won’t” is particularly special because, for a long time, I couldn’t listen to it. It was such a trauma trigger just to hear that phrase. ‘He’ would use that to intimidate me. Threatening some obscure thing with it while standing as close to me as possible to tower his 6’3 self over my 5’2 as much as possible. God finally gave me the strength to listen to the whole song and hear it for what it was saying. I now love this song and claim that phrase for myself – Say I won’t grow, move on, and love myself well. Say I won’t be successful at all the things you blew off. God is my strength and provider – Say I won't!

Here is the devotional today (from YouVersion)

Love yourself.

While there will always be areas of life where you’ll need to grow, allowing God’s love to transform the way you view yourself is essential.

God bought us with a price and calls us His own. He gives us a future full of hope, to carry out the good works He created us to do.

When we choose to respect and value ourselves, we choose to honor God.

3 ways to practice self-love:

  1. Create habits that nourish your mind, body, and spirit.

  2. Ask God to show you how He sees you.

  3. Set aside time to rest in God’s presence.

Final feelings

No tears fell today. Only a few heart wrenches when remembering some incidents, and there were some good memories that popped up and hurt a bit too. Definitely feel that today was a day of freedom and peace. God sent me a valentine by setting the divorce court hearing for today – I feel very loved by him, released to accept who he says I am and therefore love myself well.

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Tags: divorce healing hope real life